why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
