he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
