My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
