just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
