in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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