worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
