I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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