I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
