i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
