I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
