Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
