I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize