what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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