I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
