; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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