I seem to have left my pride at pride
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
