Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
