Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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