you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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