Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
