So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize