I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
