i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize