accomplished twins. life is a go
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
