Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
