I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
