We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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