I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
