Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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