community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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