That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
