I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
