you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He has the fingertips of a God
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