if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
