i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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