I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
