need another drink. this is the easiest way
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
