I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize