Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
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the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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