Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
