Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my poor anus
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
