Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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