I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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