Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
