Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
