i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
