FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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