Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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