my sisters under your porch take her home
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
