She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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