I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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