discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
