i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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