WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
