you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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