Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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