im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
