So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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