12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
