we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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