so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
