I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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