How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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