I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
