Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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